| Entry 20: The Seventeenth Tuesday (1 February 2005) |
| Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle The swordsman lowered his katana horizontally to chest level and stepped foward to hit the monk. The monk sidestepped and thrusted the spearthing at the swordsman's head before quickly retracting it. The swordsman's neck was broken. The swordsman fell down on his face, dead. "The killer of thou is he who is I!" The monks watching the fight bowed to the dead swordsman. One of them then said "Next." and then took out a piece of kimchi from a small jar he was carrying. He threw the kimchi at the warrior monk who caught the kimchi in his mouth. Winnie stepped up to the monk. WHAT IS HE DOING? WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SPIES OK WE ARE SUPPOSED TO SPY ON SOMETHING, RITE????? I DUNNO WHAT WE ARE SUPPOSED TO SPY ON BUT SPIES MUST BE SERIOUS BECAUSE SPIES ARE COOL, RITE????? IDIOT!!!!! Winnie took out the doughpin and pointed it at the monk. With his free hand he pointed to his name badge. "Musashi? The name of he who is I is not important, challenger. For I am not of great import. Trust that I be one of the Hozoin and I will show you the loght of the Hozoin Ryu. Musashi, your challenge shall be met by he who is I." The monk got into position, side facing Winnie. He went into a half crouch. then he shifted his weight to the foot further from Winnie. His right hand holding the far end of the spearthing was raised slightly while his left hand was lowered such that the spearthing pointed downwards. Winnie raised his doughpin and the monk thrust the spearthing straight towards Winnie's eyes. |
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| Entry 19: The Sixteenth Tuesday (25 January 2005) |
| Tuesday, November 02, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle Aiyoh also dunno why Winnie want to chase a monk. Monk means dun wan to bgr loh chase for what? We followed the monk back to a temple with a gate with a sign that read "Hozoin". We hide behind the gate and peek at the temple. The monk walked to this old monk tortoise, bowed and walked into a small temple building. Actually the place dun really look like temple because no Guan Gong statue or lucky 4D horse diety figures. The complex look more like those small Japanese towns with their wood/paper houses and paper doors that you can poke through to blow sleepy smoke into, just like in the movies. Got a lot of trees, got a lot of small yellow birds, got smell of kimchi. So heavy loh. On the far side of the complex got a lot of tortoise monks carrying vats of kimchi about. Some of them passed the main square of the complex, where 2 tortoises were fighting. It was a tortoise monk vs a tortoise swordsman. The monk was using a pole with a pad on the end. The swordsman was using a katana. |
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| Entry 18: The Fifteenth Tuesday (18 January 2005) |
| Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle SO I eat chicken chop loh. The chicken chop taste funny one. Like spicy and sour. Then got some cabbage. Kimchi Chicken Chop! When I looked up upon the world again, enlightened by my tenacious study of the gallinaceous entree, I spied Winnie, who was himself observing another tortoise The second tortoise was engaged in a nigh clandestine discussion with the tenant of the Chicken Portion Outlet. The tortoise was carrying a small earthen vat with an adhesive piece of paper attached. The paper read: Hozoin Temple Kimchi Makes You Smart! Wah so nice...why am I speaking in Singlish again? I ate another piece of Kimchi Chicken. The tortoise was dressed in simple robes, robes you would expect on a man of the cloth. Indeed, the stark blue and white robes complemented the tortoise since he is wearing a rectangular name badge bearing "Reverend Takeo, Hozoin Temple". Winnie stood up from his ...eh I feel so wierd...so...Singlish... Winnie stand up lo. Winnie went after the tortoise monk. I followed Winnie like a mosquito. |
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| Entry 17: The Fourteenth Tuesday (11 January 2005) |
| Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle Winnie looked down on his wound loh, it was leaking blood like a broken packet of kopi except the kopi was red. Denshichiro looked at Winnie, cocked his head to one side and smiled like an ah siao. "I shall wash my dojo with your blood!!" Denshichiro cut horizontally at Winnie's throat, but Winnie stepped backwards before stepping to his left and striking towards Denshichiro's head with the doughpin using a backhand stroke. Denshichiro parried the stroke with his katana, forced Winnie's doughpin down and then hit out with a quick upward slash while Winnie was exposed. Winnie dodged. Both stepped back. And charged at each other with weapons raised high above their heads. There was no clang sound. Both had stepped back to combat pose. The doughpin looked shorter. A one foot long piece of the doughpin was on the floor. Winnie had a slash wound from the base of his neck all the way to his right thigh. Winnie felt the wound with his left hand...then he flicked the blood at Denshichiro. Denshichiro ducked and Winnie rolled foward to retrieve the shorter piece of the doughpin. Winnie was now holding the shorter piece with his left hand the the longer piece with his right. He pointed the shorter piece at Denshichiro and raised the longer piece above the side of his head. Then someone pushed me to the side like no manners at all. I looked at the pusher and it was... THE SECURITY GUARD! The idiot security guard had brought along his stupid oversized no-dachi. Seijuro and Toji looked at moron guard but did not say anything. Like they choking on cockroach or something. Dimwit guard was not wearing his uniform but was in long flowing white japanese robes with some blue grass patterns. Smelly guard wore a long white headband, the ends were long and flowed in the wind like his robes. He wore a name badge that said "Hi, My Name is Sasaki Kojiro. What's Yours?" So his dummy stupid name is Kojiro. Everyone looked at the fight again. Winnie was already standing in a pool of his own blood. Denshichiro looked very confident. Winnie took one step foward with his right foot and tried to strike Denshichiro's head with the longer piece of wood. Denshichiro blocked with his katana. This time Winnie took a quick step in with his left foot, and smashed towards Denshichiro's right arm with the shorter piece. There was a loud bang, like someone crashing through a table. Denshichiro's right arm went limp and dangled to his side. He transferred the katana to his left hand.He crouched slightly and raised the katana above and behind his head. Winnie resumed his pose. And smoke filled the dojo. At first we thought they were so powerful that they give out smoke like kung fu films but then we saw Seijuro and Toji running towards the factory kitchen. Ya hor, I tied my scrungie around a gear in the kitchen. Oops. A fire spread quickly all over the factory complex. Everyone was running all over the place. But Winnie and Denshichiro still stood facing each other. "Second Master, the factory is burning down!" "..." Denshichiro was not happy. "Fool, my father's factory is burning down. I will deal with you some other time." Denshichiro walked towards the factory. Winnie did not chase but walked towards me. I wanted to tell Winnie to whack the security guard but the guard was already gone. So we went to a hospital and I bought chicken chop. |
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| Entry 16: The Thirteenth Tuesday (28 December 2004) |
| Tuesday, October 12, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle Then when Toji was not looking, Winnie ran straight out of the factory kitchen and turned left at a corner. Toji went after him and I went after Toji's footsteps. The footprints stopped at a hall, look like the badminton hall in my school. Winnie was pointing the doughpin at an instructor who was teaching a bunch of tortoises kenjutsu. Toji caught up and shouted "He is not the sensei, you fool.". Winnie looked surprised. "That is not sensei." Toji said. Winnie smiled. He pointed the doughpin at Taro, and he pointed at his name badge. The badge was on the wrong side. Instead of showing Winnie Houston, it now read Miyamoto Musashi. "Senior Toji, who is this?" asked Taro. "This...Some bumpkin." said Toji. "Look, he is challenging you to a duel." "Haha." Taro turned to Winnie. "Maeda Taro," he said "Disciple of Sensei Seijuro". Taro anyhow raise his shiny katana and preparred to strike but he fell down onto his face, bleeding from his nostrils when Winnie crushed his skull with the doughpin with a downward strike. A door at an end of the Doj flew open and a large tortoise entered the dojo. Every tortoise except Winnie and Toji bowed to him. "Second Master," everyone greeted. "Who is this?" asked the large tortoise. "The son of Munisai. He calls himself Miyamoto Musashi." said Toji. "He wants to fight Sensei." "The son of Shinmen Munisai?" "Yes, Denshichiro." "Denshichiro? You address me by my name already? Do you forget your manners so easily, Toji?" "...I will get the sensei," Toji said and he left the dojo. Denshichiro stepped up to Winnie. Denshichiro was huge, over 7 feet and he looked like he weighed 500 pounds. "Fool, you challenge the clan of Yoshioka?" Winnie pointed at Denshichiro with the doughpin. "Where is your weapon, fool?" Winnie continued to point at Denshichiro with the doughpin. "Hmm.." said Denshichiro. "I am Yoshioka Denshichiro, head of the Yoshioka clan." "How can you be the head when I am around?" I looked outside and it was another tortoise. He looked like your average tortoise, wore nice clothes and Toji was standing beside him. "Younger brother, lest you forget, I am still alive." said the tortoise. Denshichiro look like buay song like that. Toji pointed at Winnie and told the tortoise "Sensei, that is the son of Munisai. Looks like Denshichiro is going to fight him." Winnie walked straight at the tortoise and ignored Denshichiro. "FOOL, how dare you slight me! I am Yoshioka Denshichiro! I am the greatest warrior! Pay attention while I cut you down!" Denshichiro unsheathed his katana and charged at Winnie. He cut downwards at Winnie. There was a loud shrieking ring and a bright flash. Denshichiro was facing Winnie and both were in combat pose. There was a deep dark gaping hole where Winnie was standing just a moment ago. The hole extended to the wall of the dojo. Winnie had side stepped the strike...but he was bleeding from a wound on the side of his left leg.. Toji and the other tortoise did not say anything. I peed my panties. |
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| Entry 15: The Twelfth Tuesday (21 December 2004) |
| Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle We walked to the big big silver gray factory kitchen so nice all got gear like big clock I dunno why my sentence so long long liky my ponytail tied by my scrungie so soft soft and nice nice and furry furry like cotton cotton. The spokes of the gears very nice nice and straight straight one. I tied my scrungie around one of them. I dunno why, just just felt like doing it. Just Just Revolution. Winnie was walking all all over the factory. Toji was looking at Winnie and mumbling mumbling something about "The son of Munisai has come." I think they all crazie one. Siao Siao. |
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| Entry 14: The Eleventh Tuesday (14 December 2004) |
| Tuesday, September 28, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle Before we left the geisha gave me and Winnie some name badges and 2 magic pens to write down our names. The badge is like this "Hello, My Name is _____, What's Yours?" Then got a picture of smiley. I wrote "Sumiko Tan" Winnie wrote "Winnie Houston". The geisha saw Winnie's name and asked him if that was his real name. Winnie cut her desk into half with you know what. Geisha said "Ms Tan, Ms Houston, please follow Mr Gion.". Then she broke down and pissed on the floor. Gion Toji led us to the KITCHEN! WOW!!!!11!!!1!!!11! THE KITCHEN VERY NICE GOT POTS AND PANS AND DOUGHPINS AND STOVES JUST LIKE THE ONE AT HOME BUT THEIRS IS NOT BLACK WITH SOOT AND HAS NOT BEEN DESTROYED BY KITCHEN FIRES. SO NICE~! I walked up to the wall and licked the white white shiny wall. I also push my face onto the wall. Feels so NICE!!!!! Toji the turtle kept staring at me like I was some idiot. STOP STARING AT ME OK THE MEN DON'T GET IT ONE. I asked Toji who the kitchen looks more like a normal kitchen instead of a factory kitchen. So Toji said "This is the original Yoshioka Kitchen. Of course, this is not the actual kitchen we use for our day to day operations. We do have a functioning factory kitchen for the preparation of our trademark cheesecakes..." CHEESECAKES! "...but it is nowhere as romantic as this original kitchen. The Yoshioka factory complex was actually built on Master Kempo's house. Master Kempo founded Yoshioka Confectionary many summers ago with just this kitchen. After many years of hard work, he finally managed to build Yoshioka Confectionary to what is is today. His spirit lives on in his sons Sensei Seijuro and second Master Denshichiro. We never give up in our pursuit of perfection. Yoshioka Confectionary. Perfect cakes." and then Toji started to sing the company anthem. A drop of tear rolled down his cheek as he sang the company song. He looked so inspired. He sang louder and louder. I looked around and saw Winnie looking at something. It was a replica of Yoshioka Kempo's original wooden doughpin. It was large, like 1 metre long. "Oh, you can have that, Ms... Houston. It's actually a souvenir for our visitors." Winnie took the doughpin and started to swing it about like a sword. I think he crazee. Toji doesn't look too happy. "Toji bring us to the real factory kitchen please please please." "OK", Toji said. |
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| Entry 13: The Tenth Tuesday (7 December 2004) |
| Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle Winnie shattered the ninja's ken. He continued the downward stroke so that the ninja is cleaved into half from head to legs. It sounded like the market butcher chopping ribs. The ninja fell as 2 pieces and grabbed a handful of sand before he stopped moving. A second ninja appeared. He started to dance like zouk disco and dance and dance like he eat happy pills and then he started to turn and turn and turn like siao kao. The sand around him began to rise and the ninja began to rise also. The sound system also began to rise. The disco silver ball also rise. The whole area in front of the gate look like zouk. I started to dance the butterfly dance because I am the butterfly princess of Double-O. The the ninja dissappeared. Winnie looked around him, but he could not find the ninja. Then the ninja appeared behind Winnie and threw 2 ninja stars at Winnie but Winnie stepped to the side so the ninja stars missed. Then the ninja dissappeared. Winnie looked around him but still could not find the ninja. By now the scene very happening. The disco ball is reflecting light all over the place, then the sound system is flying in the air and the ninja appear and dissappear and got loud techno music and wow the ninja appeared behind Winnie again, this time the ninja took out a ninja Ken and tried to stab Winnie but Winnie deflected the Ken with the Ki Katana and the ninja dissappear again and Winnie looked around and looked and then the ninja appeared to Winnie's right and then dissappeared and he appeared on Winnie's left and dissappeared and he appeared behind Winnie but did not attack and he dissappeared and Winnie slashed to his front. The ninja appeared, but he is bleeding at his groin. The ninja fell to the ground, knee first. The ninja is like kneeling. He leaned backwards and made some gargling sounds. His eyes turned upwards. The sound system crashed to the ground. The disco ball also. I stopped dancing the butterfly because there was no more techno. The gate opened. An old ninja appeared with a younger ninja and they walked to Winnie. "I am Jubei, this is my disciple Hanzou. What is your business here, crossdressing turtle?" Winnie thrust the Ki Katana into the young ninja's chest and pulled it out. The young ninja fell down and died. "OK, you are a crossdressing TORTOISE." Jubei bowed. Winnie bowed back. "I was going to let you in only if you could defeat Hanzou here, but you have killed him. I shall let you in.", Jubei said. Jubei walked us to the receptionist, The receptionist was a nice girl wearing geisha clothes. "Oh but you forget, ninjas on duty do not live by hono..." Winnie sliced Jubei's throat before ninjaman could take out his ninja handclaws to ambush us. "Konnichiwa! Welcome to Yoshioka Confectionary! Please wait here for a moment, a guide will be dispatched to bring you on a tour of the factory complex!" "CHEESECAKE!" I was very excited loh. And then a tortoise who was dressed in nice flowing robes walked slowly to the counter. He looked at Winnie, breathed and said: "I am Gion Toji, a student of soldiery under thr tutelage of Sensei Seijuro. I will be your guide for this factory tour. First, we will tour the kitchen." I WAS SO HAPPIE LOR! |
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| Entry 12: The Ninth Tuesday (30 November 2004) |
| Tuesday, September 14, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle By now Winnie was very very angry. I was very very hungry so I took a tube of Pringles Chips from the dead cobbie and started to eat. I think the noise made Winnie even angrier since he kept staring at me while I was putting chips between my 4 front teeth and biting down on them. Then we boarded a bus ferry that took us to the Jap Cheesecake factory complex. The factory complex was very big ok. I think it was big lah since the guard at the front gate refused to let us in and a high wall surrounds the complex. I cannot see through walls so I dont know what is on the other side. The complex guard is a ninja. He was wearing black and he had a straight ninja Ken strapped to his back. I think the ninja is scary. Winnie doesn't care if the ninja is scary because he walked straight for the gate. The ninja took out his Ken and charged at Winnie. When he was 3 steps in front of Winnie, he raised the Ken straight up and preparred to strike Winnie. Winnie stretched out his hand, caused a chip to fly into his hand, and placed the chip between his teeth. I mean Beak. And at the exact moment when he bit down on the chip, shattering it, he brought the Ki Katana down onto the ninja's Ken. |
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| Entry 11: The Eighth Tuesday (23 November 2004) |
| Tuesday, September 07, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle Winnie got sick of waiting for a cab. He grabbed my hand and ninja jumped to another road. I shouted "WaAAAaaAAAaaAAAA11!!!!!!" because that was dam cool lohz!!!!!!!! But it was hot also. Winnie was so hot since he is wearing my ah lian outfit and my lipstick and my towels. And the sun was there and all that. Then we realise that A bus came charging at us!!!!!! Winnie unleashed the power of the KI KATANA and sliced the bus into half, diagonally. The bus exploded into a fireball of diesel and schoolchildren. No more School! A cabbie saw this and stopped his cab so that he can say "WAAAAAaaaaaaaAA!!!!!" But before the cabbie could copy down the bus's lisence number, Winnie grabbed my hand and ninja jumped into the cab!!!!!!!!! "Eh Hello Go where?" "Cheesecake factory loh!", I said, while playing with my ponytail. "Which one lah, chow ah lian. Kanin Na." "The Jap one la lao beng!" "Kanin Na Bo Da Bo Suay!", said the cabbie as he tried to slap me. Winnie stabbed the cabbie through the back of his seat and flicked his body out of the cab and into another cab IT IS A SILVERCAB! NEW ONE! NEVER TRY BEFORE! When the dead cabbie hit the SILVERCAB the cabbie stopped his cab so that he can point to the dead man and say "WAaaAAAaaAAaa!" Then Winnie and me ran into the cab! "Wah biang I thought hor, people only commit swee side by jumping onto incoming mrt one leh!" "Jap Cheesecake Factory", I said. "Maybe it is hor because hor the tax too high right! Hor?" "Uncle, bring us to the Jap Cheesecake Factory. Urgent one.", moi said. "This tax also increase, that tax also increase, even MRT also buay tahan. MY wife tried to kill herself hor, by jumping onto MRT track, hor, but she never die one leh! The MRT no even have the power to crush her hor! Blackout! Even MRT buay tahan tax. I buay tahan my wife." "JAP CHEESECAKE FACTORY!" "I remembered my daughter who tried to kil..." Winnie plunged his katana into the top of the cabbie's head. |
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