| Entry 10: The Seventh Tuesday (16 November 2004) |
| Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle Winnie took my lipstick and applied it to himself wahbiangz when did he become an ah gua or kui. After Mcdonalding himself, he took my orange spaghetti strap and tried to wear it but OF COURSE IT CANNOT GO IN LAH YOU GOT SHELL K DUN BE STUPID CAN????????? So stupid. Then he tore the sides of the top so that they can be draped over his shell. I opened my mouth realllly wide like those anime girls to show him how shocked I am but a fly flew into my mouth. Winnie took my Hello Kitty bedsheets and wore them like a skirt. Then he took my Powerpuff Girls towel and wore it like a bandanna. All these just to go to a confectionary. So I took the lift down and Winnie appeared on the ground floor and we waited for a taxi by the road. A taxi came up to us, slowed to stop, saw Winnie, sped up suddenly, lost control and hit the metal mailbox on the pavement. A second taxi saw that a taxi has just lost a customer so the 2nd taxi came over quickly to steal customers and then he saw Winnie too and lost control and crashed into the first one. Then a third one came over to take down the 2 taxi plate numbers to buy 4d but as he was using his hands to write down the numbers the car spun out of control and crashed into the second taxi. A lorry driver drove up to us and pointed at the wreck and laughed and because of this, did not notice his lorry going out of control and it crashed through the railing and crashed into the longkang. An army helicopter had nothing better to do so it crashed into the lorry for fun. Then a MRT crashed upwards from the ground and emerged like Godzilla in the Godzilla movie and then got stuck in the hole. The kids inside the train cheered "Yaay! No school!". Then a fishing boat crashed into the helicopter. A skateboarded was losing control of his skateboard and said "WooOOooOOooow, woooOOoooOOooOOoOOOooooOOoow" and crashed full speed into the boat. An iceberg crashed into the skateboarder. But still no taxi for us. I think Winnie is very frustrated. He looks like he really wants to go to Yoshioka Confectionary quickly. |
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| Entry 9: The Sixth Tuesday (9 November 2004) |
| Monday, August 23, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle I din feel liek clawing my way out of bed today so I told Winnie to get me some cheesecake. Everytime he tried to argue with me I will shout "Shut up you stupid tortoise I HAVE TEH PMS!!!!111!! I WANT MY CHEESECAKE AND I WANT IT NOW NOW NOW!!!!!11!!!!!" Winnie jumped out of the window, did a 720 degree flip, and landed on his feet, in a typical ninja pose but Winnie is not a ninja but a samu...oh nvm, you already know by now. Then he hailed a comfort cab. I think I saw him grumble. SHUT UP YOU STUPID TORTOISE I HAVE TEH PMS!!!!1111!!!! I WANT MY CHEESECAKE AND I WANT IT NOW NOW NOW!!!!!11111!!!! The cab left. The cab has a nice colour. Oh I lied. Cabs should be pink like that pink dolphin water, even when the chinese name is "white dolphin". It's the little things in life liek this that make Winnie seem less wierd. So I was busy waiting and I waited and waited and I started to play with my scrungie. I made star shapes with the scrungie and I tried to step through the holes in the star LOLOL~! Then a box of cheesecake flew in from the window and hit me in the face. I quickly opened up the box and found a half eaten cheesecake with some blood smeared on it lo but cheesecake is cheesecake (but not a cake) so I bit off the clean parts. Yum yum. Nice brand. I took a look and the box said "Yoshioka Confectionaries". I looked out of the window and I saw Winnie fighting with some tortoise swordsmen. The swordsmen look very shuaiz and all fight in nice nice Kendo way not liek the stupid Winnie who only knows how to swing his Ki Katana liek a rabid turtle with SARS or something. But hor shuaiz also no use since Winnie sliced their necks one by one. One tall black tortoise tried to do a downward chop at Winnie from behind but Winnie dodged, stepped to the right of the tortoise, sliced his right arm off, and then sliced half of his neck open in 1 motion. But I still prefer the Kendo, since it reminds me of Takeshi Kaneshiro. Winnie jumped into my room and told me that next week, we will visit the Yoshioka Confectionary. Yaay Cheesecake!!!!! |
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| Entry 8: The Fifth Tuesday (26 October 2004) |
| Monday, August 16, 2004 Tuesdays with Turtle Teaching a tortoise how to do laundry is not easy at all lorhz~! You have to walk down the apartment like this, with Winnie, like this so that you can pick up the panties that have dropped down from...that stupid security guard is not even paying attention! Hello lor! What if someone snuck up to us and molested Winnie? How? HOW? YOU STUPID SECURITY GUARD! TAKE THAT FREE NEWSPAPER AWAY FROM YOUR STUPID FACE SO THAT I CAN SCOLD YOU! "OEI!" No response. "OEI YOU SMELLY SECURITY GUARD!" Still no response! I looked at that stupid security guard's stupid name tag--"K Sasaki". What a stupid jap name lorhz~! "Oei Saki Sushi!" That stupid security guard is so stupid he dun even know how to reply LORHZ!!!!!11111!!!!! HMMPF! I later complain! Me and Winnie walked around the grond floor. After a while, we found my panties. We returned to the life lobby and the security guard was not there. He was lucky OK! I was going to put the panties over his head. I pressed the lift button and we walked into the lift when the door opned. I pressed for the top floor. Across the top floor were a set of security guard's uniform hanging from the blunt edge of a long ninja sword. How come I never notice before? Aiyoh! Must be that smelly security guard trying to play punk! Anyhoo, Winnie told me that the sword is known as a "no-dachi" and ninjas do not use them--samurais do. Then we saw that stupid security guard walking in our direction. We knew it was him because his stupid name tag read "K Sasaki". What a stupid name. Also, he was a stupid tortoise just like Winnie. Oops, stupid. He walked towards us, gave us a damn stupid cocky glance and walked past us. Then, he turned and sneered at Winnie before walking away. I want to slap his stupid sneer off but his glare was strong and I peed my panties. The sneering idiot walked to his stupid oversized sword and drew it from the poles in one quick motion. Before I knew it, Winnie and that stupid Sasaki were pointing swords at each other. Then they both sheathed their swords, turned, and left. Winnie walked to the edge of the top floor. Then he stopped. I think he act cool until he din realise that he was walking in the wrong direction until he reached the edge. At least he looks kinda macho standing at the edge. He turned around when I whispered to him that the security guard had left. Now Winnie will need a crash course on panties washing since I have soiled mine. |
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| Entry 7: The Fourth Tuesday (19 October 2004) |
| Monday, August 09, 2004 Tuesdays With Turtle I took out the forms. I filled in my copy. "TAN, Sumiko" (lol i liek her colurmm teehee) Winnie was standing there like an idiot so I slapped him and he woke up. He can sleep without closing his eyes. I passed my pen to him and had him fill up his copy. "MIYAMOTO, Musashi" I looked at the form and I thought for a while. I thought Winnie wanted to keep his real identidy a secret. Winnie cancelled his name and wrote another. "SHINMEN, Takezou" Wah biangz why did he write his birth name? I slapped him again. "MUSASHI, Winnie" Musashi is not a surname lohz. "HOUSTON, Winnie" That's more like it. I helped him complete his form. I dropped the forms into the lucky draw box. After a few minutes, the MC took the box to the guest of honour who drew the winner. "The winner is...Winnie Houston!" Winnie walked up the stage to receive his prize but the guest was shocked to learn that the winner was a tortoise. This made Winnie very angry and he stomped his foot in anger. Somehow, the guest drew a flying knife from nowhere and threw it at Winnie! "EAT FLYING DAGGER, TURTLE!" That was a flying knife, not a flying dagger. Daggers have 2 edges. The knife had only one. And Winnie was a tortoise, not a turtle. Winnie was quick. He drew his invisible Ki Katana, sliced off the guest's hand, and deflected the flying knife. The guest threw the prize at Winnie with his remaining hand and ran off. Finally, we can have some seaweed soup. Later, I learned that the Hijiki seaweed we won had high levels of inorganic arsenic so we threw it away. What a waste. |
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| Entry 6: The Third Tuesday (12 October 2004) |
| Tuesday, August 03,2004 Tuesdays With Turtle Winnie is angry because I'm late again. Hey, I din choose to be late, okay? I already bought the babies, all that was left was for me to bring them to you so that you can practise. It's the MRT's fault. A drunk drove his car down from the top floor of a hotel because drunk people react slowly and crashed the car into the pavement, killing 3 people and causing the road to collapse. Due to the collapse, a civil enginneer jumped onto the tracks to avoid all the legal hassles, was killed by an incoming train and caused the MRT service to be disrupted. Then I thought I would charge up my segway and seg my way to Winnie but there was a blackout and I was so scared because I cannot bear the idea of a hot sunny afternoon without aircon so I cried on the toilet seat. So I'm late lo. Dun be angry, k thx. |
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| Entry 5: The Second Tuesday (5 October 2004) |
| Monday, July 26, 2004 Tuesdays with turtle: turkey satay and chilli crab sticks Aiyah, so leh cheh, because Winnie insisted on eating crab sticks. I dun liek to make crab sticks. So stupid. Crab sticks are meant to be eaten from the fridge, but Winnie kept whining about cooking them. So I dragged my pigtail to Cold Storage and bought some crab sticks. Then I stopped by Uncle Richie's house. Actually, I don't know Uncle Richie. I don't even noe what Uncle Richie's real name is lo, I made up the name Richie because I felt like it. And Uncle Richie is actually a woman so I dun noe why I call her Uncle. Uncle Richie has many pots of chilli plants. I picked 50 Red Chillis from them. But Uncle Richie saw me taking her chilli and she got angry and she charged at me with a cleaver. Then Winnie appeared from the sky and sliced half of Uncle Richie's head off with his Ki Katana. Then Winnie made some cool ninja poses as he sheathed his katana. Winnie is a samurai, not a ninja, so I dun noe why he makes ninja poses. I also dun noe why he sheathes a Ki Katana since Ki Katanas are energy Katanas and have no physical form. I also dun noe how he manages to appear from the sky. Winnie jumped up and down with joy when I said that we will eat 'Chilli Crab'. He stopped jumping when I completed the sentence with 'Sticks'. I dun think many people make chilli crab sticks. This is a rar oppurtunity to eat rare cuisine. Winnie should be happy, not stunned. We returned to the kitchen and I made some Turkey satay because I forgot that I was supposed to make chilli crab sticks, lololol~! : D The turkey satay was special because it was made from beef sausages since I forgot to get turkey meat from cold Storage. Then I fried some chilli crab. Sticks. I brought the dishes to Winnie. Winnie looked funny. I dun noe why. Then I realised that I forgot to put the chilli into chilli crab sticks. So I smashed the 50 chillis into Winnie's eyes instead. Winnie's eyes hurt so much he used the Ki Katana to cut the opposite HDB block into half. Then he made more ninja poses, except he had to do it with one hand rubbing his eyes. Poor Winnie. |
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| Entry 4: The First Tuesday (28 September 2004) |
| Tuesday, July 20, 2004 Winnie was late lor. He missed our tuesday gathering. SO ANGRY !!!!! X< Hmph. |
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| Entry 3: The Birth of Tuesdays with Turtle (21 September 2004) |
| Tuesday, July 13, 2004 Tuesdays With Turtle |
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| Entry 2: The Great Diary-Blog Experiment Part 2 (14 September 2004) |
| Saturday, July 10, 2004 Entry 4. Style: Little girl I was tired after hitting the ping pong head a few times. That head was very heavy. Next time I will not use a head as a ping pong ball.I sat down on the pool of blood and flesh and asked Mr Winnie Musashi about himself. Not good to play ping pong with stranger for so long, right? :P Winnie said that he came from a distant star. I thought you cannot live in stars. Stars keep blinking. They keep appearing and dissappearing, so how do you live on one? One moment you are on the surface, the next, there is no surface. I told this to winnie. Winnie looked at me like I was some sort of idiot and did not say anything. I think all girls look idiotic on their wedding day. sigh. :( |
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| Entry 1: The Great Diary-Blog Experiment (07 September 2004) |
| Friday, July 09, 2004 After eating some soup at the bubble tea shop, I left the yellow row of shophouses and walked towards the small chapel. I called Leotard and he told me that he would be late by 30 minutes! 30 MINUTES! ON OUR WEDDING DAY! How dare he! The Gumption! Hear me you, I will complain to your mummy! I will punish him! I won't give him any chocolate to eat. Hmph. And then a turtle walked up to me. The turtle told me that he is lost. He wore specs so I thought he was that purple ranger turtle with the handbag but he told me he is not a teenage ninja. He is actually a samurai. And he was born like that and he was not a mutant. So he is a 20-Something-Normal-Samurai-Turtle. And he had a soft shell. He sulked when I made softshell crab jokes but I stroked him on the head and he smiled. So happie~! 20-Something-Normal-Samurai-Turtle, 20-Something-Normal-Samurai-Turtle, 20-Something-Normal-Samurai-Turtle, Turtle in a Softshell! Turtle Power! He wanted to play ping pong so we went into the chapel. I knocked the door down with the Cai Lee Fo Style Flying Dragon Slaying Demon Palm and we made it into a ping pong table with the help of some fresh femurs. I told the legless chapel people to shutup and get us some strawberry milk. One of them refused to keep quiet and kept screaming about her baby. 20-Something-Normal-Samurai-Turtle, who was called Winnie Musashi, sliced open her fat belly with his Ki Katana. So cool. So that woman's bodyfats spilled out. You should not eat too much since when you become too fat, your blubber will start to look like a small person. We used the head of that little person as the pino pong ball. Haha so fun. |
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