| Entry 30: The 27th Tuesday (28 June 2005) |
| Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Tuesdays with Turtle Winnie stare Oku stare Winnie stare Oku. Oku held the spear with both hands, stepped foward with his left foot, lowered the tip of the spear so that it pointed to the ground, and held the rear end of the spear with his right palm facing up. Winnie raised his doughpin at ready in front of him. Winnie stare Oku stare Winnie stare Oku. Nobody moved. Winnie stare Oku stare Winnie stare Oku. Still nobody moved. I stare at the drops of sweat on Winnie and Oku's face. No movement. Winnie dug his foot into the ground and flicked dirt at Oku's face. Oku blocked the dirt then thrust at Winnie who parried the strike. It was just a test thrust. Oku thrust again, but only halfway. Winnie raised the doughpin to block but could not draw it back fast enough to parry Oku's second lower thrust so Winnie stepped back. Winnie is still within the range of the spear but Oku is out of the range of the doughpin. They circled each other. Winnie tried to close the gap but Oku threatened to thrust. Oku kept his spear pointing at Winnie's face. Winnie retreated slowly, Oku followed. Eventually Winnie backed to the edge of a murky pond. Winnie charged, but Oku saw this coming so he blocked by raising his spear horizontally. Then Oku swung the rear end of the spear and hit Winnie on the shoulder. Winnie stagered a little, then resumed combat position. Oku is now within striking distance of the doughpin. Winnie struck out at Oku's knees, Oku reacted by twirling his spear and blocking with the rear end. Winnie loosened his grip and the doughpin slid past the spear, to the other side where Winnie struck upwards in a diagonal strike. Oku back stepped and thrust at Winnie's throat. Winnie dodged and his shoulders exploded with a small spurt of blood. The crossspear had cut the shoulder even when the tip had missed. Oku thrust again at Winnie's legs. Winnie stepped wide and the spear went between Winnie's knees. Oku turned the spear to the left, hooked Winnie's knee with the crossblade and pulled. Winnie fell onto his back. Oku thrust downwards, Winnie dodged clean this time by rolling to his side. Winnie grabbed the spear just below the crossblade, jumped up and struck at Oku with the doughpin but Oku dodged to his left with hand still grabbing the spear. Winnie's horizontal return strike. Dodge again, backwards. While in the backwards dodge, Oku pulled at the spear and it came loose from Winnie's grip. Winnie followed up with a vertical cut, blocked. This is when Oku moved to the back of Winnie in a blur of motion. "Basic Footwork, Way of the Shadow." said Inei, beside me. "Shinkage Ryu." While Winnie was busy opening his eyes wide in shock, Oku grabbed the left end of the spear with his right hand, drew the spear over Winnie's throat, kicked Winnie in the lower back and pulled. Winnie struggled for a while, then raised his doughpin up high and hit backwards, over his head. But Oku dodged that. Oku then turned and had his back face Winne. This is why he crossed his arms when holding the spear. Oku bent downwards and Winnie was flailing in the air as his feet left the ground. |
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| Entry 29: The 26th Tuesday (21 June 2005) |
| Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Tuesdays with Turtle I watched the sky turn from black to blue to red to yellow. If you stare at the sun, it would not move. But if you just think about the sun's position you will realise that it has moved without you knowing. The bell monk rung the morning bell. We all had a light breakfast of rice congee and kimchi. Kimchi kimchi kimchi. I tried pouring milk into kimchi to make it taste like cornflakes but it didnt. Winnie woke up late and washed. Winnie didnt eat. Neither did Oku. Neither did Inei. A crowd gathered around the temple square. On two sides were Winnie and Oku. Oku wore the temple robes. Winnie wore a cheapo robe he got from somewhere. It looked like a thin bathrobe. I could see that the wounds he got from Denshichiro were bandaged. Those wounds were so deep they still had not recovered. One diagonal slash across the chest, one deep gash on his thigh. All wrapped up. Winnie was holding the doughpin. The crowd began to get noisy. A monk handed the spearthing to Oku. Another monk handed a katana and wakazashi to Winnie but Winnie ignored him. "This is a contest of real weapons," said the monk. Winnie ignored. Oku thrust the spear towards the sky. The tip glimmered. Oku drew the spear back, stood it against the ground and waited. Winnie did some neck excercises, loosened his arms and shoulders, and paced back and forth. The crowd was noisy. "Hear Ye! Hear Ye!" said Inei. Noisy. "Yo! Chill! Chill! Chill!" Quiet. "Yo! Y'all Chill, aight? Aight? Y'all get down with the Inei! Erm, Uhum. I mean, I, Inei of Hozoin, declare a martial contest on this very day between two men. This is a duel with actual weapons, no limits and we have two contestants. The results of this duel will be recorded by this Hozoin Temple. I, Inei of Hozoin shall be witness. This duel will be between Oku of Hozoin Temple, exponent of the spear, master of Hozoin Ryu and student of Inei Hozoin..." Everyone cheered. "...And 'Winnie' Miyamoto Musashi, swordsman, no school, no teacher." Quiet. I wanted to cheer but everyone stared at me. Inei walked between Winnie and Oku, raised his hand, and cut it down. |
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| Entry 28: The 25th Tuesday (14 June 2005) |
| Tuesday, January 04, 2005
Tuesdays with Turtle What happened after that? "Sensei stayed here in this temple for a few months to teach us. Then he left to continue his travels. I had to stay behind to protect everyone but Yosh dismissed his followers, joined the Sensei as a novice and went off with him. In a few years I began to hear about this Heir-of-Hidetsuna. Yosh had mastered the Shinkage Ryu of swordsmanship. He defeated warrior after warrior without bloodshed. He became a legend, like the Sensei. Nowadays, he is retired and spends his time watching DVDs and surfing net. Sekishusai is what people call him now. Sekishu means a boat of stone. The boat of stone, never floating." Never floating... I finished cleaning up. Then the bell ring macham recess. I went Yaay and ran to the canteen. Then I got dissapointed since the temple serves only rice and kimchi. I tried to make kimchi sushi but the idea was so dumb I gave up on myself. Aiyah actually everyone looked at me like I'm an idiot so I stop. Hmph. Dun wan eat. We sat by long tables like in school. Wooden but no bird shit this time. Sit on wooden long stools. Got 2 long stools per table, one on each side. Not stable one, can rock. I put some kimchi under one of the legs to stop it from rocking. The cook stared at me but I ignored him. No more rocking but got funny noise. Oku Orkui sat on the same table as us. He sat opposite Winnie. I dun wan to look at Oku or at Kimchi so I play with my scrungie. But from the corner of my eye I could see that Winnie and Oku were staring at each other throughout dinner. I scared Winnie never eat enough so I stuff kimchi into his mouth. Winnie and Oku both chewed slowly like idiots. After dinner, Inei hit his cup three times with his chopsticks and told everyone that "Yo! Yo! Yo! My man Oku and the punk challenger fight tommorrow after sunrise. Dig it! Word Life!" Then we go sleep. The bedroom look more like storeroom. Got old tables and old chairs. We slept on hay. Dun ask why got hay when no cows. I kept thinking about movies where a guy and a girl run into a barn to k-i-s-s-i-n-g on straw. But here only got Me and Winnie and Winnie is tortoise so dont count one. So hot lo. No fan no aircon. But got noise. Fighting noise. I followed Winnie out of the barn. Five evil looking tortoises standing on the flower garden. The gardener was convulsing on the ground. One of his eyes was hanging out from his socket and his mouth was bleeding. Oku stood on the far side of the garden and the five evil looking tortoises stand between Oku and the gardener. One of the evil tortoises was carrying a bow. Another was carrying two daggers. One with a katana and a bandana. Another with a long pole. And one very large tortoise wearing metal armour. The bandana one spoke. "We are the Five Pests. I am the Swift Demo..." The Bandana tortoise fell to the ground. Oku had thrusted his spear to the bandana's head, the bandana dodge very quickly and avoided the spear blade like flash but the crossbar still cut through half his throat. Oku jammed his toes into the open throat and looked at the rest of the Five Pests. The Bandana kept twitching and grabbing his throat. Blood squirted out, and Oku jammed his toes into the open throat some more. At first I thought Oku was stopping the bleeding but he was actually making the Bandana bleed. Bandana made funny gargling noises for a while. The twitching became less frantic. Why so cruel? I thought Inei's Sensei taught love. Inei was standing beside me. I asked him. "The Sensei is the Sensei. Inei is Inei. I did not defend this temple for so many years with love alone. A little fear is in order." The daggers tortoise stood in shock. then he panicked. Then Oku swung his spear diagonally upwards as the daggers tortoise rushed him. Dagger's chest was split open by the spear. Dagger tortoise grabed his chest, collapsed face first, eyes wide open. Pole tried to run away but Oku chased. Pole swung the pole at Oku, Oku stepped to his side, raised his spear and swung down to cleave the Pole's head into half. The giant charged at Oku, Oku stepped to his other side and kicked some dirt into the giant's eyes. Oku stepped one more step to his side as an arrow flew past him. Oku picked up a rock from the ground and threw it at Bow. The rock hit and I could see a spray of blood. The Bow screamed, turned and staggered away but Oku ran up to him, raised his spear to his side and swung the spear across Bow's back. The Bow fell. I could see bone inside Bow's back. His spine was cut. The Bow struggled to breathe for a while. Then I heard a sigh as the bow breathed out and the Bow stopped breathing altogether. You call this a little fear? "Inei is Inei. Oku is Oku." The giant cleared the dirt from his face and charged at Oku. Oku thrust his spear upwards at the giant's belly but the armour stopped the blow. Oku push upwards but he only sank into the soil. The giant smiled like a wacko and raised his giant arms ready to cruch Oku. Oku grunted. It was low. I have heard this grunt before. There was a quake. The ground below Oku became solid ground. Oku pushed against the solid ground. The spear went through the armour. After a very short while, blood trickled out of the giant. His smile was gone and a look of agony took over. He looked in pain. If he was not so scary I would pity him. Oku pulled his spear out. The giant collapsed to his knees. The crossbars of the spear had torn a large hole in the giant's gut. His intestines spilled out. It was pink. The blood looked thin, like some water mixed with it. It is intestinal fluids. The fluids washed off the red from the intestines. The large intestines are larger than the small intestines. They look fatter. The stomach looked like a big balloon. I looked at Oku's bloody spear and I could see some mucus. This is intestinal mucus. The giant looked at Oku. He was no longer scary. So poor thing. "Mercy...kill me quick." Oku put his spear down and he tried to gather the intestines but they were too slippery. Oku sprinkled a lot of soil onto the intestines and put them back into the giant. "Mercy..." Oku walked to the back of the giant, raised his spear and plunged it into the back of the giant's neck. The giant's fell slowly fowards. You are monks right? Why like that one? "We have monks and we have warrior monks. Warrior monks sacrifice this life so that the other monks can concentrate on getting closer to enlightenment. Me and Oku..I don't think we will ever gain enlightenment in this life. Too much blood in my hands. I hear voices every night." Inei turned and left. Some monks came and took the bodies away. Oku picked up the gardener and tended to his injuries. Winnie looked at Oku some more. Then he went back to the barn. I followed. He slept. I couldn't. |
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| Entry 27: The 24th Tuesday (22 March 2005) |
| Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle "YOSH YOSH HE'S HERE!!!!!" "I...know. Stop...shouting. I can...see." Inei was with another tortoise who was holding a katana. Inei spoke with a ridiculous hippie accent and kept calling the other guy Yosh. The other tortoise was dressed in formal robes and looked very serious. His eyes were deep and even though he was not looking at me I could feel his presence. Inei looked like an idiot as usual. His stupid fake long hippie hair is the worst. Surrounding them were a few hundred monk tortoises and non monk tortoises. I think they are the followers of Inei and Yosh. Approaching was another group of tortoises. It was led by a old looking middle aged tortoise. He looked very normal. Not majestic at all. Dunno why he leader. I could hear the followers of Inei and Yosh mumbling. "You never know when he will strike you." "He is invincible." "He fought off the army of the daimyo Takeda Shingen by himself." "He is already aged, but no one has ever defeated him. Not even a whole army can take him down." "KAMIIZUMI HIDETSUNA! YOSH, HE IS HERE! HE'S GONNA BLOW OUR MINDS OFF THE FACE OF THIS ROCK!" "I...know. I can..see." Yosh ran towards the old tortoise. "Sensei! I am Yagyu Muneyoshi! Grant me a duel!" A follower steped forward and blocked Yosh. "The master is advanced in age. He is tired. Behave yourself." "Sensei! Grant me a duel!" "You rude oaf, the master is tired from travelling!" Inei ran forward. "We have waited for so long, Sensei! A duel! That is all we ask! I, Inei Hozoin seek a duel with you too!" No accent when he said this. Dunno why. The old tortoise never say anything. He just tried to walk past Yosh and Inei. But Yosh blocked the way. "Enough!", a young tortoise shouted. "I am Hikita Bungoro. I shall challenge you." Bungoro was carrying a funny bamboo stick wrapped in leather. What type of weapon is that? Yosh looked at the young tortoise. Yosh said "You mock... me. You are just a... boy. Boy, this is no...game. This is a duel of life and of...death." Bungoro just raised his sword thing. He said "Hikita Bungoro, student, Shinkage-Ryu." Yosh said "Yagyu... Muneyoshi... Master... Shinto-Ryu." And Yosh's sword fell to the ground. "Wha...What happened, man? This is totally like far out. So psychedelic." Someone please shut Inei up. "Young...man. I did not see your...move." A monk keeping score shouted "Hikita Bungoro, Shinkage Ryu defeats Yagyu Muneyoshi, Shinto Ryu." "Again. Another match." Everyone looked at Yosh. "Again. This time, I will not hold back." Yosh picked up his katana and resumed combat posture. He raised his katana so that it was pointing up at 45 degrees. The middle aged tortoise took the bamboo thing from Bungoro. Yosh stared at him. And everyone could feel the pressure. Really can feel. Can even see. The grass around Yosh begin to press flat against the ground, like some invisible thing is pressing down. Everyone had difficulty breathing. The air was very heavy. Everyone was very tense. I have never seen anything like this before. "Sensei. If I kill you I shall be... invincible under the sun. I will kill...you." I felt weak. I cannot breathe. Very difficult to breathe. A branch fell off a tree near the fight. A monk kneeled down and was gasping for air. "Will kill...you." A few more followers fell onto their knees. I fell down on my knees. Isn't this just a projection? Why can I feel the pressure? The grass around Yosh was flattened by the invisible force. "Will kill...you." Some followers were coughing really bad. I was coughing until my eyes were full of tears. I wanted to vomit but nothing came out. Beads of sweat rolled down Bungoro's forehead. Inei looked at the fight and was also sweating. Yosh was also sweating. He stared at the old tortoise. So scary. I dont dare to look into his eyes. And he struck. And his katana fell to the ground. The old tortoise had a slight smile. Yosh looked at his own hands. He tried to feel for injuries but there was none. The heavy air was gone and everything became normal. Yosh bowed. No, he was hanging his head in shame. "Kamiizumi Hidetsuna, Grandmaster of Shinkage Ryu defeats Yagyu Muneyoshi, Master of Shinto Ryu." "My turn, Yosh." Inei raised his spear. It glistened in the sun. Now I realise how scary the spear was. Even if he thrust at your head and you dodge, even if the tip did not pierce you, the crossbar blades will cut your head off. The tips of the spear were slightly uneven, like it has been used before, in many fights. Inei twirled the spear. The crescent crossbars spun like propellers for a while. "Inei of Hozoin. Hozoin Ryu." He stood with feet wide apart, held his spear at a slight incline with the tip slightly upwards. A sudden low growl. The ground around his feet flattened with a thunderous quake. A cloud of dust. A lot of followers fell down from the sudden quake. Hidetsuna threw his funny bamboo away. I looked at the earth around Inei. It looked pressed, like strong hard concrete, unlike the soft earth it was. Inei wanted a hard surface from which to strike. I could barely see Inei took two steps towards Hidetsuna and each step landed with a thunder thud and he thrust so fast that I cannot see the spear. And then the spear was gone from his hands. Hidetsuna was holding the spear. Inei's eyes were wide with shock. "...This is what defeat feels like...I have been defeated, Sensei!" And the record monk "Kamiizumi Hidetsuna, Grandmaster of Shinkgae Ryu defeats Inei Hozoin, Grandmaster of Hozoin Ryu." Hidetsuna looked at Inei and smiled. A new scene. Hidetsuna and Yosh and Inei were sitting down on the ground. Inei reached over to his portable radio and turned off the psychedelic rock. He then snubbed out his green cigarette. And he took off hsi ridiculous hippie wig. Hidetsuna pointed at Yosh. "You try to supress Heaven. You believe that self is greater than all. You impose your will on every living thing around you. You can no longer see beyond yourself." Hidetsuna then pointed at Inei. "You reject the embrace of the Earth. You dispise the Earth; you think it weak. You try to make the Earth bend to your will." "My sword has become one with Heaven and the Earth. Heaven tells me everything I need to know, how my opponent will react. The Earth embraces me and I can feel where I should stand and where my opponent will stand. This is why I do not even need a sword." Yosh and Inei shifted to a bowing position. Hidetsuna continued. "What is Self? Nothing. A speck perhaps. What is Sword? Nothing. A speck perhaps. What is Death? Nothing. A speck perhaps. What is Victory? Nothing. A speck perhaps." Hidetsuna turned to Yosh. "Invincible-under-the-sun? Nothing. A speck perhaps." Hidetsuna turned to Inei and looked. Inei took off his fake hippie moustache. Inei said "Sorry." Hidetsuna said "Fame? Nothing. A speck, perhaps." Hidetsuna took out the bamboo. "This is a shinai. It is made from bamboo. We use it to practice. Bamboo does not hurt like wood. But it can still cause pain." Hidetsuna pulled at the leather covering. "This is the leather sheath. It dulls the impact of the practise sword. A bamboo sword, sheathed. We learn swordplay. We don't learn how to cause pain. I don't fight to win. I don't fight to kill. I don't fight to harm. I fight to understand. When you are at one with Heaven and Earth, you will understand. You understand when lose yourself. You lose yourself when you see Everything and Nothing. Don't think. Listen. To the Heaven and the Earth. Then, you will never err." Inei and Yosh bowed. The projection dissappeared. |
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| Entry 26: The 23rd Tuesday (15 March 2005) |
| Tuesday, December 21, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle "Looks clean enough yo. Hey you, get over here, dawg." Please stop. A tortoise with a pen and a record book walked to Inei. Inei gave him some instructions and the disciple nodded. then, he walked off. "We are ready for the duel. Your Winnie wants to fight, he will get to fight." Anyhoo I found an orb in the debris. Look so nice, like those transparent bowling ball. "My seeing orb!" Inei ran over to me and took the ball. "OH yes. This ball sees more than any mortal." Huh? "I use this to look around the world, beyond the pitiful boundaries set by time and space." HUH? "Magic." Ooorhh. "Wanna see?" Of course lah. Inei rubbed the ball, placed it opn the ground and the ball projected darkness all over the place. I went "WOOAAH". Inei went "Holla holla holla, this is good shit GOOD SHIT, YA DIG?" No I swept. "We can see into your past!" I saw another me near myself. With my ex fiance. "Yo Man?" Divorced lah. "But you never hooked up at all." What are you talking about aiyah. No more lah. "Boring. I'll let you see my young self." The other me and my former fiance dissappeared. A tortoise appeared. He was dressed in a tie dyed t-shirt, in bellbottom shiny pants. He had long unkempt hair and wore a bandana. He was holding a spear, the normal type without the crossbar in one hand and a funny looking cigarette with green filling on the other. Funny rock music was playing in the background. He was looking to his right. He spoke very slowly. "Yosh, Yosh, he's coming, he's coming, he...WOOOOAAAAHHHH." It was a young Inei. |
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| Entry 25: The 22nd Tuesday (8 March 2005) |
| Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle Stupid Winnie point finger at me. The place is like a bachelor's pad. Even before Toji slashed the house into a pile of rubbish. A super bachelor's pad housing a few hundred messy guys loh. How they live here? So messy. But I have to sweep. I was sweeping the debris away when I found this pic of a tortoise SO CUTE. "That is Oku." NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This babie is that thing Oku? "Yeah, babe." Did Inei say yeah babe? "I mean...yes, all babies look cute. Wonderful picture, isnt it?" Yeah. Maybe Saddam was cute as a babie too. So I...is Inei wearing extra large headphones and listening to rap music? "Yo yo yo, ah be da grea' Mista Bombastic yeah!" Does he even know I'm staring at him? Is he too senile? Why is he pretending to be Machi when he is so old? I AM STARING AT YOU OK. "What? Oh, you are staring at me. I was...just listening to music." Why you pretend to be machi? "I've told you, us at the Hozoin Temple, we embrace this planet." Oh yeah. Tell me about it loh. "Um hm. We tortoises are not from this planet. We ended up here when our mothership crashed. We were travelling...from one place to another, yeah." So secretive for what. What about the others? "We here are the ones who chose to stay in this planet and to embrace its inhabitants. That includes culture. Which is why I listen to Black Eyed Peas. There were many, many others. Some tried to repair the mothership. Some left the crash site and were never seen again. Some retreated to a corner of this planet and bided their time so that...I mean they were maybe hoping for a rescue. In the end, we were pretty dispersed. For example, Yoshioka Kempo ended up starting the Yoshioka Confectionaries. He taught martial arts at night. His sons inherited his entire estate. I ended up starting this temple for the embracers and to spread my Hozoin ryu school of spear arts. My brudder...I mean good friend Yagyu Muneyoshi ended up in some other part in this same country. He is retired, but he used to be a martial arts instructor. I heard his son is serving as instructor to a daimyo...oh shit." Daimyo? "You are not supposed to know this...the daimyos are...warlords." O...K... Warlords then warlords lah. So secretive. How come everyone you talked about are martial arts people? "...Coincidence." Why Inei is like hiding things from me? OK lah not fun one. Ask you about your kimchi. "You know about our kimchi, right?" Yeah. "It's a secret recipe of mine. It's really popular, everyone likes how it is robust and crunchy. Salty and only slightly sour. Spicy. And it has an effect on idiots. It makes them so much smarter. You know Oku, right? He is a genius. But not always so." Oku is not a genius ok, he is psycho. Why is Oku staring at me? How come he can hear me from over there? Stop staring at me you Oku. "Oku, no..." Oku walked away. "So, Oku. He lost his parents in the crash. I took him in. Then I found that he was...dull. He did not develop as fast as the other children. I had a disciple look after him at all times. One day, a disciple looking after Oku was preparing Kimchi. Those days we were short handed so everyone had to work on the Kimchi so that we have a stable income. This disciple slipped and fell into one of our giant vats. When he woke up, he found Oku in the Kimchi Juice. We managed to resuscitate Oku. After that, we found that Oku started developing really fast. He learned to write, very quickly. Soon he was reading the Economist. We were all surprised. Our Kimchi works only temporarily. We did not expect it to have a sustained effect on Oku. So Oku became a genius. I decided that he shall be a warrior monk, so that he can protect the other monks. In this temple, there are meditation monks and then there are warrior monks. Most monks are meditation monks. Actually, there are only 2 warrior monks at any one time. and I made that rule up just now. It so happens that Oku is the only monk here smart enough to handle my Hozoin Ryu School of Spear Arts." How come you had a storeman guard the temple? "He wasnt really guarding the temple, Oku is. We get a lot of challengers. So I assign one disciple to do challenge duty every day. We would have the slower ones since the Kimchi works best on them. The Kimchi would make them smart enough for a crash course in Hozoin Ryu. Oku conducts the courses. So far, only Winnie has managed to defeat the challenge duty guy." Ok loh. Inei put back his earphones. I called him a senile machi. Oku threw his spear at me, Inei pushed me down, the spear hit a tree instead. The tree fell at me, but Inei grabbed my ponytail and stepped away from the falling tree. So old also can so fast. "Oku, not again." Oku walked away, again. |
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| Entry 24: The 21st Tuesday (1 March 2005) |
| Tuesday, December 07, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle The factory manager Toji was standing outside the house. He drew his katana. "Holy crap!" went Inei. Oku looked at his master in shock. "I mean err holy crabstick. Yah." Toji stared at Winnie. Toji's eyes looked liek they are going to pop out of their sockets. Then, with both hands, Toji drew his katana to his left and backwards. He screamed. I can hear a loud unnatural ring and I can see a horrible flash. The next thing I remembered was Winnie dragging me away from the rubble of the house. By my ponytail. Inei and Oku were standing next to the house, on the other side. Oku was dusting his master. Inei told Oku to dust his backside and Oku did not seem too happy about that. Inei giggled with his hand covering his mouth. And Gion Toji was standing in front of the rubble. He had destroyed the house with one slash. Toji pointed his katana at Winnie. "You must. Become rubble. NOW!" Toji raised his katana up high and sceamed and there was a loud ring and a horrible strong flash and when I could see again, there was a bottomless hole in the ground when Toji had slashed but no Winnie. Winnie had sidestepped his strike and was standing beside Toji, with his doughpin ready to come crashing down on Toji's head. Toji reacted by drawing his own katana back, ready to strike out at Winnie again. Both struck out. Then Oku broke up the fight. He had stuck his spear between Winnie and Toji's weapons. All three weapons touched at the tips. Inei went "You can challange only the Hozoin warriors in my temple. This is no place for blood feuds, only pure duels." Toji looked at Inei. "Sensei Inei Hozoin?" "Ah yes. The famous swordsman Gion Toji of the Yoshioka school knows me. And I thought you yuppies dont know about us countryside folk. Silly me." Toji bowed at Inei, turned and left. No, before he left, he turned and looked at Winnie and mumbled something something like in the movies. Then he left. Inei looked at Oku and Winnie. Then he looked at the rubble around him. "I wanted to have you two duel but we will need to clean up first." Winnie pointed at me. I threw a flower at Winnie. A monk clasped his face and screamed "Mary!!!!!" |
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| Entry 23: The Twentieth Tuesday (22 February 2005) |
| Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle "What we don't have", went Inei "...is the mothership. We are at peace with our situation. We have grown to like it here, on this planet. We no longer wish to return." HUH????? Oh I get it. "Hozoin is made up of those of us who no longer wish to return. We were the first to abandon the mothership. Once we left, we never looked back. So we don't know where the mothership ended up. This is not the place to come looking for the mothership." Inei took another sip. Blue birds (LOL) land on the willow tree outside and make bird bird noise. They fly away when a gentle breeze started to sway the willow. Winnie took up a cup. Me too. The cup was earthen and small, like the type you get in jap restaurants. There was a fine crack from the middle of the cup to the bottom. "2 for 1 dollar.", Inei said. "Cheap and good. From one dollar shop." Inei took ANOTHER sip. "What we do have, is Oku. You seek combat. You seek life and you seek death. Let me see here on my martial annals... Barely a teenager, you slew your first opponent. Arima Kihei of Shinto-Ryu vs Shinmen Takezou...so that's your birth name... no school. Takezou victorious with a short wooden pole....you knocked him down and you beat him to death. 3 years later, you killed...Tadashima Akiyama in a... formal katana duel...hmm... And then you joined the army. To kill more, I supposed. Your side lost. You did not think much of it because all you did was cut grass. You were...a Infantryman. Private. You were not too happy about cutting grass so you went home. Along the way, you killed a local bandit king and half his gang. His friend the magistrate sent troops after you. Instead of paying the proper sum, you killed his troops. You ended up hiding in the woods for days. The troops managed to lure you out with food, so they tied you to a tree...to rot. Then...something..something...and you were set free and you adopted the name Miyamoto Musashi since I quote 'Musashi is the alternate pronounciation of Takezou and Miyamoto is my township' and you want to become a new man but you don't want to forget your past yadda yadda...you have a lot to say for a young man. So...yadda yadda you ended up on this planet. You are supposed to be lost. But I doubt that." Inei closed the annals and looked at Winnie. Winnie looked back. How come Winnie go so much secret never tell me? How come that book got everything one? How come Gion Toji is standing outside? |
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| Entry 22: The Nineteenth Tuesday (15 February 2005) |
| Tuesday, November 23, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle The old monk took us to a small guest hall after I changed my panties into pampers. "We look after a few orphans" We all sat down on funny cushions at a short jap type table. The old monk sat next to us, at the centre of the table. Oku sat by his side. Winnie sat at my side, in the centre. I sat by his side, far from that Orkui Oku. "You have discovered our little secret. Yes, our kimchi makes people smart. The stupider you are, the greater the effect." Eh, what is that supposed to mean? Saying chim thing in england doesnt mean smart ok OK ORKAY? "I am Inei of Hozoin. This is Oku. He is my top disciple. We are the monks of the Hozoin Temple. We make kimchi. We practise martial arts in order to protect the secrets of our kimchi." A young monk served tea. Inei took a sip. "You are here to seek two things. One we have, the other we do not." Huh????? |
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| Entry 21: The Eighteenth Tuesday (8 February 2005) |
| Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Tuesdays with Turtle Winnie got poked in the eye and fell on his back. He was not prepared for the sudden strike. Very malu. Especially when he had some trouble getting up from his shell. He rolled back and forth and back and forth. Then he rolled sideways. Still stuck. Then he stretched out his arms and legs and with all 4 limbs planted onto the ground, he lifted himself up, like one of those china circus troupe members. Yaay clap clap. "A warrior must be eternally and intelligently vigilant." said the warrior monk. He managed to flip himself up. A monk tortoise who was holding a book and a pen asked "Shall I record this as a win for Hozoin?" Winnie threw a handful of sand at that monk who dropped the book. ""Very well, you were not prepared." Malu. Meanwhile, the kimchi jar holding mink threw a piece of kimchi to the monk who was fighting Winnie. I thought this was funny so I plucked a flower from the bed of plants beside me and threw it to the monk. The monk never eat, only look at me like I'm an idiot. A monk standing close to me saw me plucking the flower, clutched his cheeks and screamed "ALICIA!!!!!". Then he started crying. Flower only mah. Siao. The monk resumed his pose. Winnie did not. Instead he charged at the monk. Orh I get it now, since the spearthing is long Winnie should get close to the monk so that the monk cannot poke him in the eye and cause him to roll on the floor like rofl except he was not laughing. The monk held the spearthing with a hand near each of the ends, turned it horizontal and shoved the shaft to Winnie's chest. Winnie struck the spearthing with his doughpin. Both stepped back. "Inspired attack, but not enough.", said monk. Then the warrior monk like worry a bit. Jar monk threw a piece of kimchi to the warrior monk. The warrior monk looked confident again. Winnie charged at the monk again. The monk tried to hit Winnie with a stroke with the end of the spearthing but Winnie ducked, stepped to the back of the monk and struck down with the doughpin only to see the monk block the doughpin WITH THE TIP OF THE SPEARTHING. Both stepped back again. "It is almost as if...I can predict your moves." said monk. Winnie charged (yet) again at the monk and the monk held the spearthing horizontally in front of his chest but as Winnie neared the monk, he turned towards the jar monk and smashed the jar with one quick strike. "NO!" "How did you...but of course you did, it was rather obvious..." "I want to watch tv." "Hay gais waht am me doings here har?" "I...hungwee, want eat." All the monks watched in horror as Winnie walked towards the warrior monk. Winnie poked the monk in the eye. "Next time I dun do guard duty already...I'm only a storeman..." said monk. An old tortoise monk and a younger one walked to us. "Did you defeat my disciple?" said old monk, looking at Winnie. "Of course la wah biang so obvious you eye got eyeshit cannot see is it? Ha har? Too old is it?" I shut up when the younger monk point at my throat with a funny looking spear with a half-meter horizontal metal piece jus under the sharp tip. The piece was slightly curved outwards and was sharp on the outside edge. "Oku, do not scare the child." I hope Winnie remembers how to wash panties. |
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